Thursday, August 14, 2008

Entry for August 14, 2008

God, they like to
say, resides in people, not in mountains or stones.

What else is there to say? I have lived 30 on this
planet called earth. I have not seen the need to
blog about turning 30. It was a nice sunny summer
day in MD. The people around me could not fully
understand the life that has packed in to the first
30 years. So much trial and tribulation so much love
and lost and soo much heartache. no calls from my
birth family processed to a even bigger louder silent.
There was my husband Adam(not really sure how to react
at my crying), my best friends art and Robbie assuring
me it was indeed just another day. But from that moment
on i have felt very different. The store online is up
and running innerlightcatalog.com.
The plight for my freedom is closer with us on Monday
looking for a place in the bmore area.

How odd it is that 30 years has gone by in a flash.
When does it start to all slow down? I can remember
sooo much and yet it seems as if it all happened just
yesterday not 5-10-15 years ago.
I remember moments in my life where it all seems
to slow down like having sex on a beach with my
now husband Adam or standing next to my ex best
friend while standing on Hogback mountain in
southern Vermont looking out seeing for 20 miles.
I remember moving in to a 2400 square foot condo
on the beach looking in to the ocean from my
bedroom window...... thinking this is it I have
made it.

I remember while ridding my bike down a Mountain
road hitting a speed of 37 miles an hour
(controlling the out of control).

The car accident that spilt my sternum,
bruised my liver and kidneys, and tour up my
knee...realizing that when I got back on the bike
my knee was never going to be the same again,
selling the bike, walking away from a sport
I loved.

Realized that if dido would not have been playing
on art's radio I would have had nothing to talk
about with him and he never would have enlightened
my life so much.

Meeting some one older named Robbie "just for sex"
and him changing my experience with life death and
the in-between .He introduced me to a life that
was going to be short and sweet so we better live
it up every day. Eating Lobster instead of turkey
for thanksgiving dinner.

Realizing that when u love some one you must set
them free, dealing with the consequence of being
in love with some one that is bisexual and more
in love with him self then any one else.

I worked so hard and so many long hours that
I crashed a bus in to a car filled with kids.
Thanking god that no one was injured and promising
never to work hard that hard again.
Waiting for that one moment when u need
everything to come together at the same
time and it does ....

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