Today I began not to become world fames or infamous. I just some times feel it to be hard to say what I feel. I would ratherwriteit down there might be miss spelling I am sorry for that but hey I graduated the tech school with a d avg.
It has only been 1 week scents Wilma knocked down my town and tore up my shit and life. On Monday the winds where fierce on Tuesday the devastation vast and there in the side of my 1 room was a 4 foot hole the wind had blown in. I was never all that prepared for moving from there. I was there for more then 5 months it was where me and Adam first made love. where I first experimented with Wicca, and sentren, and the power of a higher power. Sure it may have just been a CRAPY MOTEL ROOM to others but well it was my home.
All though out the day I thought long and hard what was I going to do how with out a rain free room was I going to keep this up. I talked to art. Only once scents the storm had hit do to the fact there where nophones and certainly nocell phoneservice.
Notuntil I saw the landlord, a stought over eating Indian with very short legs. did I realize that he said I could stay but he was not going to fix it any time soon. O and the kicker was I needed tostillpay my 200 on Saturday to stay did I say that isit enough. NO MORE . I do realize and have for a longtime that it is not my best trait that I have a die hard will and determination and I will almost never quite even when there was a hole in MY FUCKING ROOF. So much change right at that moment it clicked it was ok to just bow out.
O man did I cry and scream after I had made my dision to come home to Maryland. Florida is my dream place the ppl are for the most part nice I love the Spanish foods and cultures. And most of all the warm weather means I am in much less pain with my knees. In the last few weeks I was some times for getting about them for a day or 2.
Art picked up the phone said" hey babe" in his normal happy to hear from me mood. And I said with tears in my eye "I need to come home, I can't do this shit any more."
As I type this I am welling up with emotion. It has been such a long and strange journey to get to that one life altering moment. Started with willies betrayal and there was the timesleeping in the car and then after that the time in the half way house. Then the bud debocle and then Jared and then ozzy/mike situation. And so on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Then I was sure that I got the man of my dreams his nameis Adam. He was not what I would say stable or dependable he is a street kid through and through. He brought with himthe willingnessto forsake all things (INCLUDING ME)just to see that he did not get away from his calling of spiritual healer. He never worked with out complaining and he never saw that I should not have to carry all the wait on my shoulders. All money my money was for the rent house hold thing and his was "FOR THE BUSINESS”. So the story goes that aint going to work!!
Back to last Tuesday all art said was "so come home then" the 4 most beautiful words in the English language I began to cry on the phone with him and we began to try to get me out of there. Now having said that getting out was not going to be easy there was no power and it will be out for weeks to come still. We tried the bus, (they had to have power to print a ticket)no go there, next the train (all Amtrak service was suspended and need power to print ticket) so no go there either. what about flying (same damn thing no power airport closed indefinitely) ok well how about send u money and u drive back and yet againnot many has phone service, the power thing again.
Also there is no gas stations open no power. So I had a half tank of gas. The next morning I drove to Titusville where I had art wire me money........ Drove was 1102 miles thank god there was Sirius radio or I would have lost my mind driving that far alone. I arrived on Thursday night after 8 pm. it feel really good to be home but I still miss my own life when u stay with some one other then lovers!!! U lose a lot of the things I had become accustomed to. I never wore clothes around the house. I very rarely dumped an ashtray (they are really big). I miss staying uptill dawn if I wanted to.
And then of course there was a whole other thing I had to content with Jason perhaps another time I will explain Jason. It has been years scents I had even seen him. We ended ina REALLY bad way. He was 18 hot headed and all.
He is now living with art making it very interesting what if we did not get along what if what we once had was lost....... I was so relived when he answered the door I hugged him with all my might. It was likeSerenitya song that I just fucking love so good so free so full of love and respect. Inext was art we held each other for a long while. I really needed that after all the driving. And all the feelings of loneliness.
I really miss what I had. I know can not again be that far from art who is my only family to speak of. The only one that cared if I lived or died in Florida and everyday I thank god for him
EVERDAY!!
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