Entry for November 12, 2005 I have this dream over and over again

I just finished watching Later Days. just the best fucking gay movie ever......

i have this dream i am laying on the side walk mabey. I can not see what is going on but i can feel my chest is exposed to the cold air. there is a voice of am e.m.t. he is saying very clearly and with no panic, "Clear", I begin to feel calm. My mind is at easy yet my heart does not start. I am still submersed in darkness. I hear the flat line sound on the heart monitor. Stillin the darkness.Yet there is no sents of urgency to wake up. I do not feel like getting up i am fine lying there on the sidewalk. A few moments go by there is a peaceful quiet. I hear gain the same words Clear this time i feel my body jump. Yet i do not come out of the darkness.

I hear some one begin to cry. I begin to wonder is this a male or female cry. the voice says "he is gone there is nothing we can do" At that exact moment ever thing goes white i am parlized by the light but more in a wow that was cool kind of way. then the light gets father and farther from me I can see it as if it where a circle of light. when it get to a tiny dot A door opens right in front of me.

I amat one end of a long galley type place. think titanic. On the other end some one is walking to me then it is 2people then 3people all together. they are close by there body lauage. they been friends for ever true family. I am getting warmer as they aproch.At an instand there he is jeff in long flowing red hair. next to him is my best stick figure friend rob.Rob has a smoke in his hand of course. he was a chain smoker......... and the third never materlize he is just super hott white light full of so much good fucking feeling. I have in the past thought this asmy spirt guide. other times i think this is arts spot..... please don't take him yet. but who ever it is i just cry when i see that person......... i begine to run toword them and theyto me. wehug allfour of us and they say in unison "u have done well u are safe now rest, rest, rest".............. i cry and cry most of the time wake up crying..............